TWENTY-FIVE...with a bullet.

As my 25th birthday got closer and closer I really thought that once the day finally arrived I was going to have an anxiety attack or be on the verge of a quarter life crisis. Now had I not made the life changes I did this year and my outlook on things not changed, that anxiety attack may have really happened. But overall the inner me is in a really good place these days. I struggled a lot in my late teens and early twenties with creating my own happiness, trying to fit every square into a circle. I was always thinking, "Well if this & that happen, I'll be happy" "If this would just come together, I'll be happy" "If I had that, then I'll be happy."

I'm 25, I'm still in school, I still have the same job doing something I don't love or even really like, I'm struggling to hold on to certain friendships, I'm not where I saw myself being by 25. If I had woke up yesterday morning and thought all that, I would be going through a crisis.
Instead this is how I see it: I'm 25, I'm going to school for something I have discovered I love, I have a full time job, I have this amazing bond and friendship with my family, The MAN I love is my best friend, a three and five year old have stolen my heart and taught me the true meaning of patience and understanding, and for the first time in a long time I feel comfortable in my own skin.
The blessings in my life outweigh anything that I could view as a negative. Unlike in the past, today I have real goals set for myself and real motivation from within. So many of us want others to bring us happiness, we view it as something received. And I thought that way for a long time, but now I feel such a strong sense of peace in myself because I know that the part of the happiness I feel is from what I have accomplished, and set out to accomplish for the future.

So no quarter life crisis here, but I hope the next 25 don't fly by as quickly as the first :-)

My Recent Adventures...

Oh boy, lots of updating to do here!

Well, first backpacking. I don't think there's really a good way to plan everything out 100% for an area you've never hiked through and when you aren't really sure what to expect. Saying that I think we did a pretty good job. What was supposed to be 3 days of hiking turned into only 2 (partly because we're crazy and the other part because we had no where to camp). We got a late start on day 1 and didn't end up hiking all the way to Mt. Tallac, we sort of went up and around it and then camped for the night at the most mosquito infested lake I've ever been to. These blood suckers were mean, and deet did not scare them! After being attacked by them again the next morning we were off to Lake Aloha. Day 2's hike was BEAUTIFUL. We got to see so many amazing things, take some great pictures, and even hike through SNOW. We took a long lunch once we got to Lake Aloha and soaked up the sun and scenery.

Lake Aloha, lunch spot



Well after lunch we realized there was no way we would be able to camp out at Aloha. There was snow (so it would be freezing) and it was way to rocky and really no where to set up tents. So we were off to find another campsite along the way. We walked and walked and walked and ended up reaching Lake Echo which was our destination for the following day, only to discover there was no where to camp their either. By this time it was around 5 or 6 pm, I personally was HUNGRY and tired and my feet were aching. We pushed through it and hiked another 2 miles to the lodge where our car was parked. We ended up camping at Camp Richardson the remander of our trip and ate at Applebee's and had pizza delivered to our campsite. Who does that? Haha.

My backpacking trip was followed up by a week in Vegas and then a busy Labor Day weekend. I was well aware that Vegas was going to = some major slacking in the fitness department but heck its VEGAS and we only live once. So I indulged, and probably a little too much because some days I felt like a balloon about to pop! We managed to get in one great workout one of the days but that was it. We got some sun, ate what we wanted, drank what we wanted, and just had a great time overall.

Night 1: the nachos I ate at Margaritaville



The fun (and terrible eating) continued once we got back. Family parties, football, Giants game...more food, more drinks, more fun. I thought for sure I had gained 10lbs, but somehow by the grace of the fitness fairy I managed to not gain a single pound during my week long foodfest...phew!

But now I'm back on track, back to striving to eat clean every day at every meal. And this week I started a new 12 week trainer. In the past I've mentioned that I'm a big fan of bodybuilding.com and fitness model Jamie Eason. Well they got together and put together an amazing program that I hope will help get me to the next level. The entire 12 weeks is planned out for you, daily workouts, meal plans, grocery lists, It's pretty great anyone at any level can do it. http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-eason-livefit-trainer.html

Check it out!!

My Motivation

One of the most common things I hear from friends and family is, "I wish I was as motivated as you." Most people make comments to me that its great that I do what I do, but they just don't have the time, or knowledge, or drive. My theory is either you want it or you don't. It's really that simple. Every other time I ever tried to get in shape failed because at the end of the day I wasn't truly dedicated, I didn't want it bad enough. I still wanted fast food and junk over a size 4. If my goal was truly to be healthy then I would have stuck with it. It all boils down to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. 5am workouts aren't as brutal when you're serious about your health. Giving up junk is a "piece of cake" when you've had enough of feeling bad about yourself. One of the things that helped me the most were all the blogs and groups I started to follow on my journey. Learing tips and ideas from other people who had the same goals as me gave me fresh ideas and a fresh outlook. Another thing was the way I felt when I started eating clean. I felt amazing after a few weeks of clean eating. Then once I eliminated dairy (which I didn't even know had been causing me all sorts of stomach issues) and excessive grains I felt even better.
Each person has to find their own motivation. Mine was not wanting to feel the way I did about myself for the rest of my life. I wanted to be active, I wanted to be energized. And when you're serious about it you'll make time to workout, whether it be at 5am or on your lunch break. When you're serious staying up late to make the nexts days food won't be a chore.

Lions, Tigers, No Bathrooms? Oh my!

Damn right.

4 days of backpacking in Tahoe is quickly approaching. We are only 2 weeks away and I'm still very excited but there are several new things popping up in my head that I'm a little nervous about. Let me start by saying that I'm super excited for the challenge of hiking for 4 days with all my gear, this is just another way to push myself. I would consider myself a pretty outdoorsy girl, I've always loved camping and I don't have a problem going a few days without straitening my hair or wearing makeup, and I'm even ok with not being able to take a shower while we're gone. But this no bathroom issue has me thinking. I mean what happens if I have to go in the middle of the night? Just me and my flashlight forge out into the wilderness?? Haha. And we can't build camp fires so there goes any light or warmth we might need at night. These are currently my 2 greatest worries, I'm honestly not even giving any thought to bears. I'm just hoping that if one does roll through our camp that I'm fast enough asleep to not hear it. My "excitedness" does out way my worries and I'm hoping to come back with some great stories and pictures.

Ok, now I wanna talk about food. In my quest to eat clean I've discovered some new things that I really love. I try not to add sugar to anything that I eat or eat foods with lots of added sugar. So that means when it comes to oatmeal I've got to get creative, because lets face it, plain oatmeal just isn't that great. So after trying protein powder, cinnamon, vanilla, i've found that my favorite thing is fresh berries or bananas. Just enough sweetness for me to enjoy it. Another thing i'm loving is almond milk. I was really missing my shakes when I gave up milk, but this is just the same! I would prefer the unsweetened kind but Steve likes it too so I compromise and get the regular, with a couple grams of sugar. My next new thing is sauteing veggies. Whatever I've got a I'll throw together and saute with some olive oil, garlic and onion. Goes good with everything and is a good way to eat more than one veggie with dinner. I usually add them to some quinoa, which is probably one of the ugliest foods but its a good grain and it doesn't taste bad. 

I finally tried the whole kale chips thing that everyone raves about, but kale is NOT for me. I just was not a fan of the taste. But I can say I tried it. The more I try though the more I find I like, and that Steve likes. So until he complains I'm just gonna keep throwing stuff together. Haha.

Oh and I do have to get on my soapbox about one topic real quick...dried fruit. STAY AWAY. Just eat the fresh stuff and leave dried fruit alone. You might as well just buy a box of candy because the amount of sugar they add to that stuff is ridiculous!

My self-image needs to shape up!

There is definitely some sort of mental disconnect between what I now see in the mirror and reality. Most girls have major self image issues in high school, I was lucky enough for whatever reason to not really worry much about my body then (at least I don't remember really spending lots of time worrying about it). It wasn't until after I graduated that I became pretty hard on myself. That's when I really started comparing myself to other girls and analyzing every "flaw" I saw in the mirror. I actually know exactly what my insecurities stem from, but that issue is no longer important. And so hating my body began. Things got worse around 2008 when I gained weight. I hated getting dressed because I hated the way I looked in everything I wore.
When this whole weight loss thing got started I thought to myself, "If I just lose X amount of weight I'll be happy, I'll like what I see." But now that I've shed the weight I feel like I'm harder on myself now then I ever was in the past. It's like my brain can't understand that my size 4 pants are < my size 10's that are in a bag in the garage. I'm not even excited that only a handful of clothes in my closet fit. I noticed this whole issue a few weeks back. It was one of those running into someone I haven't seen in forever moments. An agent at work tells me how thin I am and says, "you're not trying to lose anymore are you?" In reality I am so I told her, "only 10 more." And she says, "from where?! you don't have 10 more to lose!" I laughed but in my mind I was thinking this lady is nuts! I have this and that and my waist, and on and on I went in my mind. I couldn't take her compliment, instead it just made me think of everything I don't like.
I don't think I have delusional ideas in my head of what I want to look like, but I do think that I am way to hard on myself lately. And not only what I see but also about what I put in my mouth. I worry that every not so perfect thing is going to make me gain, I stress about an imperfect day.
This whole thing is so much more then just physical, I need to be putting just as much time and patience towards my mental growth and maturity as I am to changing the outside.

Squat Clean Queen...eh, not so much.

Unfortunately for me this is not one of those things that looks disgusting but tastes good, it tasted disgusting. 

My inability to get up at 5am when my alarm goes off is causing me to resort to some not so yummy breakfast choices. You see I don't eat before I workout, I can't I'd be totally sick to my stomach. Instead I eat as soon as I get home from the gym. But because I don't get there as early as I should, I don't leave when I should, so i'm stuck throwing something together that nutritionally is a thumbs up, but lacking in the taste department. Like this morning for example, a hard bold egg(YUCK!) and oatmeal with chocolate protein powder mixed in(DOUBLE YUCK!) I needed to get my protein and I needed my whole grains, and if I would have had more time there would have been much better ways to do this. Like an egg white omelet with veggies and oatmeal on the side. What this means is that I need to push myself, I have to prioritize and plan ahead so that I'm not able to make excuses for myself (or gross breakfasts). So I decided this morning to make tupperware my new best friend, to put out everything I need for my morning workout out the night before, to not hit snooze, and to make a yummy breakfast every day. 

This week I started a new 12 week program from bodybuilding.com. I've been waiting for months for Jamie Eason's (look her up, she is one fit woman!) personalized program to come out, but they are totally slacking on that one. So I got tired of waiting and just got to work. This is how the program is broken down: Day 1 is arms, 2 is cardio, 3 is rest, 4 is legs, 5 is cardio, 6 is HIT full body, 7 is rest. http://www.bodybuilding.com/guides/female-20to39-fat-loss/training

When I first started P90X it was truly a struggle for me, I had never weight trained like that before or sweat that much just from lifting. When I finished P90X and started lifting on my own that is what I missed. I needed a plan that would push me to lift heavy and really get me in a sweat. And boy I found it. There were two plans I could have chosen. One was a fat loss plan and the other a muscle building plan. While I want to build muscle I still have some body fat to lose, so I went that route. P90X leg days was my favorite workout, but todays leg workout was brutal! My legs feel so tired and I know my butt is gonna be beyond sore tomorrow. Not only was it a killer workout out but it also totally pushed me out of my comfort zone. Leg curls, extensions, squats, no problem, I do those all the time at the gym. But wait whats this, you want me to do squat cleans? I'd never done a clean before today. So this morning I watched youtube video after video, read the proper technique on bodybuilding.com and still felt unsure about it. By my third set I started to get the hang of it, its all in the legs. And while its not my favorite, it had me in a full on sweat totally feelin the burn.

So many people say they can't, they don't know how, all your excuses are limiting yourself from doing something that you could be amazing at. Don't let your fear of the new or unknown hold you back. There are so many resources, websites, blogs, and trainers out there with valuable information. And the truth is, all of this is hard. It doesn't come easy for anyone. It takes time and determination but if you have that in you you will be successful. Don't ever let you or anyone tell you you can't do something, just go out there and do it.

Dear size six...

...you are now too big! Woot woot!

Forgive my lack of posts, but I just haven't had much inspiration lately as not much is really new with me. Well that's not entirely true, maybe I just haven't felt like boring you with my workout routines. But today I shall! Haha! One new thing I'm really  in love with are my weekend runs at Pena Adobe. In the past I ran around the lagoon, but that was then and this is now. Now i'm pushing myself more and more to take on new challenges. So I run hills now. It's exhausting, it's hot, and I'm completely wiped out when I'm done, but it feels amazing. I still have my heart set on running a half marathon sometime this year, and now I'm starting to think one with a few hills wouldn't be so bad. When you spend every morning in the gym, on some sort of machine, its nice to spend a couple hours out in the fresh air creating your own resistance and incline.
I'm still not really seeing the scale go down much now that i'm hovering around 128lbs but I'm ok with that. I know it will come and I'm happy with the work i'm putting in right now. I'm happy with the way I look right now, which is crazy because I've never felt that way before. But I do want more. And nothing like a summer Vegas vacation to really push myself to tone up before spending a week by the pool.
The hills at Pena Adobe are one thing, but my next adventure to tackle is a 4 day Tahoe hike. I feel like the hike will be somewhat of a challenge since I have all the pack weight to carry, but I'm thinking it's really going to be alot of fun. Haha how twisted is that? Yay for 4 days of backpacking! You couldn't have paid me to do this in the past. It's amazing to me how my priorities and interests have changed so much in these past few months.