My Motivation

One of the most common things I hear from friends and family is, "I wish I was as motivated as you." Most people make comments to me that its great that I do what I do, but they just don't have the time, or knowledge, or drive. My theory is either you want it or you don't. It's really that simple. Every other time I ever tried to get in shape failed because at the end of the day I wasn't truly dedicated, I didn't want it bad enough. I still wanted fast food and junk over a size 4. If my goal was truly to be healthy then I would have stuck with it. It all boils down to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. 5am workouts aren't as brutal when you're serious about your health. Giving up junk is a "piece of cake" when you've had enough of feeling bad about yourself. One of the things that helped me the most were all the blogs and groups I started to follow on my journey. Learing tips and ideas from other people who had the same goals as me gave me fresh ideas and a fresh outlook. Another thing was the way I felt when I started eating clean. I felt amazing after a few weeks of clean eating. Then once I eliminated dairy (which I didn't even know had been causing me all sorts of stomach issues) and excessive grains I felt even better.
Each person has to find their own motivation. Mine was not wanting to feel the way I did about myself for the rest of my life. I wanted to be active, I wanted to be energized. And when you're serious about it you'll make time to workout, whether it be at 5am or on your lunch break. When you're serious staying up late to make the nexts days food won't be a chore.

Lions, Tigers, No Bathrooms? Oh my!

Damn right.

4 days of backpacking in Tahoe is quickly approaching. We are only 2 weeks away and I'm still very excited but there are several new things popping up in my head that I'm a little nervous about. Let me start by saying that I'm super excited for the challenge of hiking for 4 days with all my gear, this is just another way to push myself. I would consider myself a pretty outdoorsy girl, I've always loved camping and I don't have a problem going a few days without straitening my hair or wearing makeup, and I'm even ok with not being able to take a shower while we're gone. But this no bathroom issue has me thinking. I mean what happens if I have to go in the middle of the night? Just me and my flashlight forge out into the wilderness?? Haha. And we can't build camp fires so there goes any light or warmth we might need at night. These are currently my 2 greatest worries, I'm honestly not even giving any thought to bears. I'm just hoping that if one does roll through our camp that I'm fast enough asleep to not hear it. My "excitedness" does out way my worries and I'm hoping to come back with some great stories and pictures.

Ok, now I wanna talk about food. In my quest to eat clean I've discovered some new things that I really love. I try not to add sugar to anything that I eat or eat foods with lots of added sugar. So that means when it comes to oatmeal I've got to get creative, because lets face it, plain oatmeal just isn't that great. So after trying protein powder, cinnamon, vanilla, i've found that my favorite thing is fresh berries or bananas. Just enough sweetness for me to enjoy it. Another thing i'm loving is almond milk. I was really missing my shakes when I gave up milk, but this is just the same! I would prefer the unsweetened kind but Steve likes it too so I compromise and get the regular, with a couple grams of sugar. My next new thing is sauteing veggies. Whatever I've got a I'll throw together and saute with some olive oil, garlic and onion. Goes good with everything and is a good way to eat more than one veggie with dinner. I usually add them to some quinoa, which is probably one of the ugliest foods but its a good grain and it doesn't taste bad. 

I finally tried the whole kale chips thing that everyone raves about, but kale is NOT for me. I just was not a fan of the taste. But I can say I tried it. The more I try though the more I find I like, and that Steve likes. So until he complains I'm just gonna keep throwing stuff together. Haha.

Oh and I do have to get on my soapbox about one topic real quick...dried fruit. STAY AWAY. Just eat the fresh stuff and leave dried fruit alone. You might as well just buy a box of candy because the amount of sugar they add to that stuff is ridiculous!

My self-image needs to shape up!

There is definitely some sort of mental disconnect between what I now see in the mirror and reality. Most girls have major self image issues in high school, I was lucky enough for whatever reason to not really worry much about my body then (at least I don't remember really spending lots of time worrying about it). It wasn't until after I graduated that I became pretty hard on myself. That's when I really started comparing myself to other girls and analyzing every "flaw" I saw in the mirror. I actually know exactly what my insecurities stem from, but that issue is no longer important. And so hating my body began. Things got worse around 2008 when I gained weight. I hated getting dressed because I hated the way I looked in everything I wore.
When this whole weight loss thing got started I thought to myself, "If I just lose X amount of weight I'll be happy, I'll like what I see." But now that I've shed the weight I feel like I'm harder on myself now then I ever was in the past. It's like my brain can't understand that my size 4 pants are < my size 10's that are in a bag in the garage. I'm not even excited that only a handful of clothes in my closet fit. I noticed this whole issue a few weeks back. It was one of those running into someone I haven't seen in forever moments. An agent at work tells me how thin I am and says, "you're not trying to lose anymore are you?" In reality I am so I told her, "only 10 more." And she says, "from where?! you don't have 10 more to lose!" I laughed but in my mind I was thinking this lady is nuts! I have this and that and my waist, and on and on I went in my mind. I couldn't take her compliment, instead it just made me think of everything I don't like.
I don't think I have delusional ideas in my head of what I want to look like, but I do think that I am way to hard on myself lately. And not only what I see but also about what I put in my mouth. I worry that every not so perfect thing is going to make me gain, I stress about an imperfect day.
This whole thing is so much more then just physical, I need to be putting just as much time and patience towards my mental growth and maturity as I am to changing the outside.