I don't even know where to begin, my thoughts are all over the place and guilt has taken over. This whole cheat meal/day concept just doesn't sit well with my conscious. Super Bowl Sunday is the ultimate guilty pleasure day, in my opinion it tops Thanksgiving on the gluttony scale. Chips, dips, bread, wings, beer, soda, pizza, crackers, tacos...I mean who eats healthy on this day? Who's watching the game with a salad and some water? Not me, thats for sure! Now any normal person probably got through yesterday just fine, but I don't consider myself very normal when it comes to food and my self image (which i'm working on). Did my three mile run yesterday morning, and ate a healthy breakfast, so you would think I would be ok with a little indulgence since I had worked out. I was at first, and then as I was cleaning up after friends had left I looked at all the types of food I had put in my mouth and I was not happy with myself.
Now this whole blog is supposed to be an outlet for me, a place to be honest with myself and you the reader. So here is a brutally honest glimpse into this crazy head of mine....
I felt gross after I recounted all the things I ate, checking myself out in the mirror didn't really help much either, obsessing over every flaw I hate. There was no way I was going to sleep after such an oink-fest, so I did what every other obsessive person would do, hopped on the treadmill at 10pm. Two quick miles to make myself feel a little better. Thank goodness I had the brilliant idea of bringing all the left overs to work and sharing with my co-workers. Everything went so now I don't have to worry about chips and dips calling my name while i'm at home. But I hate this feeling I have about trying to be perfect. I can't even enjoy the things I like anymore because I'm putting so much pressure on myself. I have all these goals I want reached by certain dates and I'm letting it all take over a little too much. I've seen changes in my body, but I want more. I know its good to push yourself, but at what point does pushing your hardest become obsessive?
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